I am sitting in bed, waiting for surgery.  The physician informed me that in my case they will use the traditional method for gastric bypass due to the fact that I am extremely fat. I am afraid. Different thoughts, images, smell… Memories… It’s some sort of saying goodbye? I am afraid that’s for sure. Second thoughts – is gastric bypass the best solution or not?!

All my life I had two surgeries and both were cesarean operations. Memories are coming slowly and they are so clear. It was a cold and sunny day at the end of October when I entered the hospital. I was young and happy, ready for the big meeting with my son. I knew that the baby was in bad position and that a cesarean operation was necessary. When they asked me to lay down on that special table I felt the fear and the only thought that I kept in mind was the one that my son has to be born in one or another way. Few hours later I have seen him, so small and helpless. Suddenly everything becomes so peaceful. The smell of rain and new born baby……

Second time, even if I knew what was going to happen, I panicked and the only thought was ‘What will happen with my baby! I do not feel him moving!’ We were lucky and the memories from those few days are full of colour as from the window of my room I have seen one cherry tree full of fruits

I have to be grateful to God for my sons as they convinced me to perform the gastric bypass. They told me that even thought they are adults and they have their own families they still need me. For years I have done my best in order to loose weight. No diet was successful and it was even worth as after each diet I gain in weight double of what I have lost. Pills combined with fitness, aerobics remained without solution. I stopped going to gym as people were laughing behind me. It was awful. At this stage is painful even to remember. As I renounced to go to the gym I have started to gain in weight, to eat more and more. It become difficult to breed during a regular walk and climbing stairs become for me a really challenge. At his point I fixed an appointment with the physician and you know the rest. I’m here, waiting for gastric bypass. Just wish me luck as I need a lot.

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